I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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