I am puke
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
