i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
