Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
