I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
