thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
