rhymes with "ouble enetration"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
