There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
