I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
