my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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