She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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