just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
