Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize