i barfeds in our rink
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
