I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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