I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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