He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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