Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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