Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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