where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
