Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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