you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize