he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
why do cheetos always look like penises
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
