Already got asked if we're dating
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dear god my vagina.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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