I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
