I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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