god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
