he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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