And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
