actually, I'm a sock model
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize