dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
They took my balls.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
