I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
