She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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