If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
