i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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