dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you traded sex for a burrito?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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