I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Houston, we have a squirter
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
