I didn't shave. On purpose
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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