We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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