grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
jump out the window naked night went bad
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