Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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