Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
