So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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