Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's like heaven, but drunker
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
