I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
