Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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