and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
