I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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