The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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