Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
