I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
