Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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