I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
