State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
