Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
