Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Boobs speak an international language.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
