it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
