Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize