As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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